Not that we’ve found a cure for cancer or figured out how to eradicate hunger or fingered the person who ordained that every Pakistani drama heroine must shed a boatload of tears at least once per episode – woh sab masley masa’il tau apni jagah par waheen waisey ke waisey hi maujood hain – but aajkal ka sab se ziada discussed topic has to be those missing Wa-Fa moments from Diyar-e Dil.
Matlab ke hadd hi ho gayi! Here the serial is about ready to end and there we are, us masoom viewers, still waiting. Actually, forget about us, even Fara is intezaaring! Why is this love story not getting anywhere?
Not expecting any real answers from those in-charge I thought to conduct my own investigation – stalk Wali (no point in stalking Fara kyonke un bibi ko tau roney se hi fursat nahin) for a day or so and figure out what was going on. What the heck has hero sahab been doing all these weeks? Aisa bhi kiya busy hona ke one can’t make time to romance their leading lady? Aur kuch nahin tau banda ek do gaaney he gaa leta ab tak?
Khair, these were my thoughts then….
30+ hours later…
It ain’t easy being Wali-Man! Yaqeen nahin aata tau read below....
A Day in the Life of Wali-Man
8:30 pm: Returns from dropping samdhis off… stops on the way in to warm his hands on the totally random bonfire burning in the middle of a path otherwise beautifully lined with diyas.
8:45 pm: Looks up waisey hi and sees Fara sobbing her heart out.
9:00 pm: Is on the verge of saying something meaningful to Fara when he remembers its Agha jan ke medicine aur khaney ka time.
12:00 am: With Agha jan’s dawai aur khana aur munh haath dhulana aur tucking in bed all done Wali finally gets time to himself.
3-5 am: Time marches on as a tired Wali tosses and turns…
Thanks to those darned uncomfortable mountain of pillows his mom loves he can’t sleep
Decides to make the most of the moment and go hang out with Fara, before thaanedaarni mom maaros chhapa and conducts her usual inquiry, or it gets time for Agha jan’s munh haath dhulao aur phir dawai aur nashta ka waqt.
6:00 am: Magar yeh kiya? Fara madam ghaib! As Wali looks around for his missing nikaho-ed wife her phone rings and its saasu maa from hell.
7:00 am: Takes him an hour to coax the whole story out of a roti dhoti Ruhi, but finally Wali learns that Fara has been kidnapped by her evil cousin Moiz.
[Disclaimer: This video clip was originally posted here]
8:00 am: Fazool or not, at the end of the day Fara is his nikaho-fied biwi so it is incumbent upon Wali-Man to make an appearance, complete with his superhero sweatshirt and leather jacket. No shalwar kameezes or valimey waley chamaktey suits for this outing. This one is a secret mission. The trusty family servant Gul Khan is given strict instructions about what to say and do. With the clock ticking there is no time for a salaam to mom, and off goes Wali-Man speeding away on his super sawari.
1:00 pm: Reaches Lahore, his super sawari now a different make and color, and gives a piece of his mind to the two ladies, both of whom have no clue of Fara’s whereabouts.
With no idea of where to begin, Wali-Man starts his rescue-Fara mission by looking around on the roads as if he expects Moiz and Fara to be standing around waiting to hitch a ride.
Pays a visit to one of Moiz’s friends
Then the second one
Calls in for reinforcements
Listens to a long-winded bhooli bisri dastaan from his sada ki naraaz tayi ammi who is by now his newest BFF. Such are the supernatural powers of Wali-Man.
Off they go to a third friend’s house, this time with police in tow.
Finally there is some khabar and they are directed to where Fara is being held. Being the Wali-Man that Wali is, he makes it just in time to stop the rape. But wait. Before he can say anything to Moiz, he must recall susar sahab’s tenth commandment.
The blessings being asked for and given, Wali-Man is now ready to sikhao a serious sabaq to Moiz.
At the end of it all, being the Wali-Man that he is, our hero suffers no cuts or bruises only a superficial graze on his arm; his super sweatshirt too shows no sign of wear and tear. – chalo ji mubarak ho, all over bacchat ho gayi. All in a day’s work for Wali-Man.
8:00 pm: Headed home, Wali-Man shows no signs of being affected by the day’s events, no signs of weariness on his face and his hair as perfect as if he’d just walked out of a salon.
1:00 am: Home to thanedaarni ammi who lets loose with some choice words. Wali-Man slinks away and in his stead stands a sharminda Wali. Not worried a bit about who was listening in, his mom does his total besti kharab in front of nikaho-fied biwi and newly-befriended saasu-maa. Arju aap bhi na! Mauqa tau dekh liya karein!
Arju walks off in a huff after giving Wali a piece of her mind. With mom gone, Wali-Man makes a re-appearance as an injured Wali lifts and shifts furniture around to seat saasu-maa.
Gone is the angry young man we saw in Lahore, here the nazrein neechi kiye Wali is busy rendering apologies to who ever will listen. He begins with his beloved Agha jaan.
With Agha jan accepting his apology Wali-Man moves on to ammi ji… but wahan tau Arju has not even a minute to spare, busy as she is throwing a royal hissy fit.
3:00 am: It has now been over 24 hours since we first started stalking, but Wali-Man’s day nowhere near over. Aur ho bhi kaise sakta hai? Agha jan still needs to be tucked in. Off goes Wali-Man again.
3:30 am: Walks away from Agha jan’s room thinking he’s finally done for the day…
But nahin, aisi qismat kahan… its now Fara’s turn to add in her two cents! When he wanted to talk to her she’d driven off with Moiz, but now wants to have a heart-to-heart. #TalkAboutBadTiming
4:00 am: Finally!!!
[Disclaimer: This video clip was originally posted here]
As is evident, in this whole never-ending day so busy was he ke not once did Wali-Man stop to sit down and enjoy a chai biscuit break. Not even to behlao his bewaqt ki bhook!
Chalo, granted this particular day was an exception, but even if it had not been Fara’s kidnapping, Wali-Man would’ve still spent the day asking all and sundry about Agha jan ka nashta and dawaein and haath munh dhulwana, worrying about woh laitey ke nahin, theek se bistar mein tuck hoye ke nahin.
After Agha jan comes ammi ji’s turn and she brings with her the tension of making it to the nashtey ki table by 8:30 am, salaaming her on time, and the stress of when next she was gonna tell him ke Fara ko haveli se chalta karo. This in turn leads to the weighty matters, of bringing the bikhra hua khandan together, one crying/angry/bitter female at a time.
And… if ever there is any time left over from dealing with jeetey jaagtey family members there will always be the dearly departed ones who are (literally) dying to make their presence felt.
Ab itney saarey duniya bhar ke tensions ke beech mein where is the time for apne miyan Wali-Man to even think of running around trees with Fara? As busy as this superhero is, romantic scenes agar script mein huye bhi tau where is the time for him to enact them?
Romance, my friends and behen Fara, is for us mere mortals, yahan tau qissa kuch alag hi hai ….
Written by SZ~